Think First to understand....I have Questions

I’m in my mid-forties.

I have ADHD.

And I have questions.

A lot of them.

My brain doesn't always move in a straight line. Sometimes it takes off running before I’ve even had a chance to figure out where we’re going.

Someone says something, and suddenly my brain is connecting dots, remembering something from three years ago, thinking about what they might have meant, and coming up with approximately 47 follow-up questions.

And sometimes, before I have all the information, I’ve already created the story.

Sound familiar?

Lately, I’ve been trying something different.

Think first to understand.

Not think first to respond.

Not think first to defend myself.

Not think first to figure out what someone really meant or wants.

Just… think first to understand.

I have questions. And that's okay.

As women, we spend so much of our lives figuring things out.

How to be a good daughter.

A good partner.

A good mom.

A good employee.

A good friend.

A good everything.

And somewhere along the way, we can get really good at making assumptions.

We fill in the blanks.

We read between the lines.

We anticipate what everyone else needs.

We sometimes even decide what someone is thinking before they've had a chance to tell us.

But what if we simply asked?

“Can you help me understand?”

“What did you mean by that?”

“What am I missing?”

“Can you tell me more?”

Those questions don't make us difficult.

They make us curious.

And curiosity can be powerful.

My ADHD brain wants answers NOW.

This is probably one of the hardest parts for me.

My brain wants to solve things.

If something doesn't make sense, I want to understand it.

If something feels off, I want to figure out why.

If someone says something that doesn't match what I expected, my brain starts investigating.

And let's be honest…

Sometimes that investigation happens entirely inside my own head.

That's where I have to remind myself:

I don't actually know yet.

And there is a big difference between thinking about what might be happening and knowing what is happening.

That little distinction has been a game changer for me.

Maybe I don't need an answer. Maybe I need a conversation.

I'm learning that questions don't always need to lead to immediate answers.

Sometimes they simply need to start a conversation.

And maybe that's part of growing older.

At 47-ish, I'm not interested in pretending I have everything figured out.

I'm actually more comfortable admitting that I don't.

I can say:

“I don't understand.”

“I need more information.”

“I have questions.”

And I don't have to apologize for that.

Because asking questions doesn't mean I'm confused.

It means I'm trying to understand before I react.

And honestly, I think that's something we could all use a little more of.

Especially those of us whose brains move at 100 miles an hour.

So here's my reminder to myself today:

Pause.

Think.

Ask.

Listen.

Then ask again.

Because I may have ADHD.

I may be in my mid-forties.

I may have a million thoughts happening at once.

But I don't have to have all the answers.

I can simply have questions.

And maybe that's where understanding begins.