Food Addiction is real

HI - My name is Krystal and I'm a foodaholic.......I've been addicted to food as long as I can remember. Every Milestone good or bad is capped with food - a meal, beverage, dessert if we are really lucky. Food becomes a destination. The mind switches from lets go visit (insert person here). To, ohhhh I really want (indulgent food) - lets go visit (insert person here). The person becomes the excuse to eat. The worst part is that it is everywhere - Go to Disneyland for the rides or the food? OK maybe a bit of both.....How about the Fair? Are you going for the Entertainment, animals, rides or the food. The older you get the more it becomes about the food. I found that I tolerated outings purely for the food. Food makes me instantly happy. You can not escape food. Food coma, food baby, food porn, Foodie, and all the sweet food pet names we have for the ones we love - right hunny bun? I struggle with this everyday. It is about so much more than food. It fills a hole I may have, it protects me and makes me feel safe - Hello comfort food. It ties us to all of our favorite people. I chose Gastric bypass to save my life. I weighed more than 375lbs. I couldn't walk, I hated moving, I didn't want to be seen. I have made excuses for myself for 30+ years - Weight was my identity. I was a Chunky, seemingly funny and outgoing woman. Truth is, I feel like I have been performing my whole life at least a little bit. Which version of myself needs to be present - outgoing, fun, care free me or serious, planned and rigged me? Do I need to be in charge or chill? What do I need to feel like "me"? I have no idea, but If you figure it out....Please let me know :)